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Ghetto-Fabulous TV Classics
Listen
to this Remix!
By Simon Hadley and Krystle Martin
Simon: Welcome to Simon and Krystle’s ghetto-fabulous TV classics. I am Simon aka Agent S.
Krystle: And I’m the lovely Krystle Martin. This show takes American TV favorites and gives them a much needed update to appeal to today’s youth. First up, an old school classic: The Brady Bunch. It was great for it’s time, but we needed an updated version.
Simon: The millenniumized version!
Krystle: Yeah. Like Brady Bunch in the projects, check it out!
Brady Bunch in the Projects
Carroll: Jan for the last time you can’t go to Big Mama Brady’s crib in North Richmond this weekend.
Jan: Why can’t I go?
Carroll: Because Jan, Big Mama promised Marcia and anyway, and she didn’t even think to invite you!
Jan: But mom, how do you know she don’t want me to come?
Marcia: I know
Marcia: Yup, I told her how you stole 200 dollars from her…plus she thinks your ugly.
Jan: That’s not true.
Marcia: Well (haha) have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?
Carroll: Marcia stop telling her those lies and stop fighting in the house, I’m trying to watch Judge Judy, now go and argue outside.
Marcia: But mom you know it’s true why did Big Mama give me 5 new fits for being so honest and gave Jan a hot comb and a make up kit?
Jan: That’s it!! (Punch Punch)
Marcia: Ouch my nose! You broke my nose! MOM! JAN BROKE MY NOSE AND NOW IT’S SWOLLEN AND I CAN’T GO OUT TONIGHT WITH LIL’ DAVEY Jizzles!
Carroll: Will you two pipe down! Jan, stop your blasted sniveling. I’m trying to watch Judge Judy lay down her verdict! Now go outside and go get me some popcorn – hurry up!
Announcer: Did Jan get her way and go and visit Big Mama Brady? Did Lil’ Davey Jizzles dump Marcia and hook up with Barbara Eden from “I dream of Jeanie”?
Did Carroll ever find out the verdict from Judge Judy? Find out next week.
Krystle: Now that’s what I call classic television.
Simon: It really was. And to let everybody know, we talked to Carol. You know her and her family are now welfare recipients.
Krystle: That is just wonderful! I am so happy that those ghetto Bradys are holding it down in North Richmond.
Simon: And now we finally have Saved by the Bell, a great TV show about rich white students.
Krystle: And now you’re about to hear what Saved by the Bell would REALLY be like if those little rich white kids went to school in good ole West Oakland.
Saved by the Bell, in McClymonds High School in Oakland
Zack: Kelly, I have something to tell you.
Kelly: What is it Zach?
Zach: Baby, I’ve been cheating on you for the last two seasons.
Kelly: What!!? I don’t believe this! But we’re America’s most famous couple.
Zach: Sorry, Ben and J-lo snatched that one from us, plus she has a way bigger…
Kelly: Zach!
Zach: Kelly, I also have something else to tell you.
Kelly: Oh yeah what!!??
Zach: I’m seeing someone else on the show, so I’m leaving you.
Kelly: How could you do this to me? Who is it? Jesse? Lisa? Who?
Zach: I’m not going to tell you Kelly. I guess you’ll have to figure that one out on your own.
Slater: Hey, Zack.
Zach: Slater! You big lug you!
Slater: Hey Kelly.
Kelly: Hey Slater.
Slater: You want to help me with my homework?
Zach: Sure. You bet buddy. Let’s go! Bye, Kelly.
Slater: I also rented Shakespeare in Love for afterwards.
Zach: Coolness.
Kelly: But school is out….Oh heck no! I’m calling Oprah.
Krystle: Uh. Uh. I knew it!
Simon: And who does their homework in the summertime?
Krystle: Well, that’s all the time we have for today. Tune in next week as we premier three new shows. The Wayne Wonder Years, Doogie Howser MC, and the soap opera All of My Baby Daddy’s Children.
Simon: Thank you for listening to Simon…
Krystle: and Krystle’s ghetto-fabulous…
Simon and Krystle: TV classics.
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