"I want to honor my Cambodian heritage, but I’m not in Cambodia. And here, you need to have an identity outside of your family."
By Chandra Touch
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June is a month filled with high school graduation ceremonies. Youth Radio’s Chandra Touch, a graduating senior from Portland, Maine and a first generation American, will be the first person in her family to earn her high school degree. There are many things about Chandra’s Cambodian-American lifestyle that her mother does not understand. Cheerleading has always been one of those things, but as Chandra looks forward to the next chapter of her life, she is realizing that her very American ambitions are also foreign to her mom. Youth Radio brings her story.
Do you plan on coming to any of my competitions?
MOM (On Tape)
No
CHANDRA
You don’t want to come to any of them?
MOM (On Tape)
No.
CHANDRA
For the past three years I’ve been a varsity cheerleader for the Portland High Bulldogs. I loved being involved in all the big school events like homecoming and pep rallies. I also got to stand on the sidelines at every football and basketball game. But like many things I do, my mom doesn’t get it…
MOM (On Tape)
First time I think that’s like ummm… you wear the short skirt show something sexy legs, show the guys. I didn’t know because in my country doesn’t have sport like that.
CHANDRA
Do you think in Cambodia if cheering was there, what do you think people would think?
MOM (On Tape)
No my people never do that, never show the leg. They always wear long stuff.
CHANDRA
In eight years of cheering, my mom has never come to any of my events. I want to honor my Cambodian heritage, but I’m not in Cambodia. And here, you need to have an identity outside of your family.
Cheering is one thing that’s helped me to stand out as an individual. I play two different sports, I’m active in a volunteer service group, and I’m involved with student government and six different clubs – all while taking honors classes in school. My sports and hobbies are expensive, but I work two jobs to afford my uniforms and costs. Unfortunately, my mom views all of my activities as distractions from our family life.
How do you feel about the things I do, like…do you think like what I do is worth anything, or are you proud of me the things that I do?
MOM (On Tape)
I’m proud of you, but I just want to see you home…Be with me, eat dinner together… That’s what I want my daughters.
CHANDRA
But, it’s more complicated than eating dinner at home. My mom doesn’t always understand my approach to success in America. I’m the first person in my family to graduate from high school. And I’m planning to be the first person to graduate from college. The way I see it, all of my activities are adding up to something. They are preparing me for college and college will prepare me for opportunities that no one in my family has ever had.
MOM (On Tape)
I think you are lucky cause you born in the United States. You go to school, you have friend. But back then, like me, you have to pay money to go to school and sometimes your parents are poor. You dumb, you not getting no education, you don’t know what kind of job you gonna do.
CHANDRA
My mom’s not dumb, but she’s had a hard life. She’s worked at a nursing home, a sea urchin plant, and as a lunch lady. She tells me that I have to do better with my own life. Though, like a lot of parents in her position, she’s afraid that when I better myself, I won’t have anything in common with her anymore.
Lately every time I talk about leaving for college, my mom talks about how easy it would be for me to live at home and how she’ll be lonely without me. I don’t think she knows how she’ll be able to watch my sister, cook, clean, and pay all the bills without my help. In my house, we’re all leaning on each other so hard that I lose track of what I need to be doing in order to get ahead in life.
While I love and support my mom, I try to remember that I’m the person who I need to be rooting for the most. It’s me who wants to go to college. It’s me who wants to be able to pay her bills. And it’s me who wants a good job. In the end, I hope that the life I live will be one that my mom can appreciate. But either way, it will be my life.
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