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Private College
"I began to feel very conscious of my social class, so I avoided giving details about my background, like my parents' occupation and the fact that I was the first generation to attend college. "
By Bianca Butler, 19
August 29, 2007
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When Youth Radio's Bianca Butler arrived at her private college on the East Coast after four years at an urban public school in California, she got a rude awakening. All her college prep courses hadn't primed her for some of the biggest challenges of freshman year. (August 29 on NPR's Day to Day )
Here are some new concepts I learned about during my first year in college -tokenized identity, racial consciousness, and cultural capital. You might be wondering - was this in Freshman Sociology of Education or Ethnicity in the U.S. 101?
No - I learned about these ideas firsthand—through interacting with other students.
I grew up in a working class black family. Only a handful of kids from my urban public high school went to college out of state. And I was the only one who went to an elite private college. Before I left, no one sat me down and told me what it would be like to enter that world.
From the very beginning of my freshman year, it was obvious to me that I was the exception. I was one of very few working class black students on campus. One of my roommates had spent a summer exploring Moorish temples in Spain. My other roommate hung out with reality TV personalities, had a vacation home, and partied at upscale New York night clubs. My only exposure to "celebrities" was the tabloids at the grocery store checkouts. And the only foreign travel stories I could share came from a day trip to Tijuana.
I know that getting to know different people is a part of the college experience. But I didn't expect the intense feelings of alienation that came from knowing people with lavish lifestyles.
I felt increasingly like an outsider, and not just with my roommates, but with the entire student body. I began to feel very conscious of my social class, so I avoided giving details about my background, like my parents' occupation and the fact that I was the first generation to attend college.
Everyone I met was friendly enough, but our conversations were often superficial. One white girl who loved hip hop couldn't understand why I was offended when she used the N-word. And I didn’t bother to explain because it was too complicated. One day I glimpsed through her high school yearbook. Looking at photos from her graduating class, I was shocked that there weren't any students of color. Maybe I was being too judgmental, but that alone made me feel like it would be impossible for us to really click.
I chose this school in part to get outside my comfort zone. Colleges like these aren't designed for kids like me, and I didn't show up with all of the tools I needed to succeed. I graduated from high school with honors, but I wasn’t fully prepared academically for the demands of college. And even though I found a supportive circle of college friends, I still struggle with culture shock.
Now that I'm a sophomore, I know what I'm in for.
Bear with me, while I quote from Audre Lorde's Sister Outsider - "The master's tools will not tear down the master's house." But I'm going to need to use those tools to navigate this experience. I spent my freshman year convincing myself that I deserved to be here, and I'm going to spend my sophomore year proving it.
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