Adjusting to University Life

"From thinking that I was one of them who had the proper tools to make it, I was boxed out and told that actually you don't have what it takes. "

Listen to this Commentary!

By Nishat Kurwa

Democracy is very young in South Africa. A little more than a decade ago, segregation was law, and racial equality...a dream. But change is happening, and black college students are at the forefront - using government grants to attend college. At the University of Cape Town, black students are more than 50 percent of the population, but it's not always easy for them to assimilate to academic life. Youth Radio's Nishat Kurwa has a profile of one University of Cape Town student who's one of those bringing change to South Africa's universities, but carrying the legacy of the past. (January 17 on NPR's News and Notes with Ed Gordon)

When Nonkuleleko Sithole decided to attend the University of Cape Town she became a pioneer of sorts - part of the small percentage of young people in her hometown that leaves for college.

Nonkuleleko's family was a bit different from most in her town. Many of the men there came from rural areas to become miners. But her father became a police officer, and earned a reasonable salary. Nonkuleleko's dad was her hero - and in turn, he doted on her.

NONKULELEKO (on tape)
Little things I remember about my father that he used to do and I knew that he loved me. He used to pick me up. And hold me up to the sky, and kiss me, and I was like huge. I was heavy.

NISHAT
When Nonkuleleko was 11 years old, her father committed suicide. She was there. He shot himself in their home as his daughter sat watching.

NONKULELEKO (on tape)
And when he passed away, there was just me, it was just this big open space left in my heart that no one bothered to fill and no one knew was there.

NISHAT
That's when the loneliness began, and the real hardship. After the funeral expenses, her mother had to raise two kids on a meager salary. But she was committed to her children receiving a higher education. Nonkuleleko had never traveled more than three miles outside her hometown until she went to Cape Town for college.

NONKULELEKO (on tape)
It was an emotional awakening. I could see the sea. And the air was so fresh. So many miles away from my home, and it feels welcoming only to find out that it's not really that welcoming.

NISHAT
Black students from certain township schools are required to take remedial English classes when they first get to college. In high school, Nonkuleleko was told she had an excellent command of English. But a tutor at the university shattered that notion.

NONKULELEKO (on tape)
She actually open up said to me that it would actually take a longer time for me to grasp academic writing because I come from a black school. From thinking that I was one of them who had the proper tools to make it, I was boxed out and told that actually you don't have what it takes.

NISHAT
Nonkuleleko's confidence sagged. In class, she withdrew and that resignation spilled over into her social life.

NONKULELEKO (on tape)
I started devaluing myself. Here I was in an environment that is mostly middle class, and I couldn't even afford to buy myself a pair of slippers.

NISHAT
Nonkuleleko took a break and returned home. But when she went back to school, a deep depression stayed with her. As she searched for answers, trying to come to terms with her father's life and death, she reached a turning point in her own life. Her father wasn't the hero Nonkuleleko thought he was.

NONKULELEKO (on tape)
He was a policeman, for the apartheid state. So he was implicated in some killings. There were a lot of people especially those were rebelling against apartheid who wanted to see him dead.

NISHAT
Nonkuleleko says the more she digs up about her dad, the more she comes to despise him. As a child, Nonkuleleko knew her father and his colleagues were hated by anti-apartheid activists.

Only when she was older did she realize the role her father played in her country's repressive policies. Even though young people like Nonkuleleko embody the hope of the post-apartheid era, it's not so easy to leave the past behind. But she's trying to stay positive, and make her family proud by finishing school.

NONKULELEKO (on tape)
It's important for one to believe in something. Because then it gives you a light. So if I believe that I'm going to make it in this world, that belief will guide me to my destiny.

NISHAT
Nonkuleleko will be graduating from college next year. She's thinking about making a documentary, profiling those people who fought against her father. She says, as a black person, she's free because of them.