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Decisions, Decisions
"They never talk unless it’s about divorce papers. "
By Ursula Pattimura
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One hundred high school sophomores were assigned to write personal reflections as part of an essay contest at LA’s John Marshall High School. The winning entries were turned into audio essays through a collaboration between 826 LA, a writing program and Youth Radio, a youth media production company. Subjects ranged from multi-cultural identity, loss, relationships with parents to young love, reflections on the world, and teen idols. We're presenting some of these essays in our series High School Confidential. Today, Ursula Pattimura tells us about tough decisions she’s facing since her parents divorce.
I remember when my family was perfect.
We would go to the park and my parents would push me on the swings.
They held hands non-stop and lay together on the grass.
But now we’re not like that.
My parents disagree constantly and have fights that can be heard a block away.
My family is breaking apart,
piece by piece,
and I’m right in the middle.
My parents live and sleep in separate rooms.
They walk by each other as if strangers on the street.
They never talk unless it’s about divorce papers.
One night, my parents were fighting again.
Names were thrown back and forth.
Dark secrets revealed.
I had so many mixed emotions;
I wanted to get away.
As I walked back to my room, I overheard my dad say,
“One of these days, sooner rather than later, we will be officially over.”
I was in a nightmare and I couldn’t wake up.
A month or two passed then Dad saw a divorce attorney.
He showed me the folder full of papers.
Divorce sucks, I’m not sure if I want to get married
I had a difficult decision to make,
because if I decided to live with my dad,
I would move to Orange County.
If I chose my mom,
I would have to move back to Indonesia.
Both choices are life changing.
One night, my parents asked me who I wanted to live with.
I hated being stuck in the middle,
feeling that I had to choose who I loved more.
With my dad on my left and my mom on my right,
I couldn’t take it anymore.
I stormed out of the room and told them to stop pressuring me.
I made up my mind to let my dad take full custody of me,
and I’m confident that I made the right choice.
My dad and I help each other in situations.
He’s the one that I can run to for any advice,
and we get along well.
I didn’t want to upset my mom or have her think that I’m a traitor.
It was so hard tell her,
because I wondered if she would still talk to me,
or if she would still love me.
I finally told her that I would love her no matter what,
but if she wants me to be happy, she will let me live with my dad.
I told her I love them both equally and no one is greater than the other.
All I want is for my parents to have peace.
For my dad, being away from my mom is the only solution for his happiness,
and my mom’s too.
Being put in this type of position is tough.
I stress out in school, then come home and have family problems.
It’s as if another 10 pounds are added on my shoulders.
I wish that all the conflict would just disappear
BACK ANNOUNCE: That essay is part of a series High School Confidential produced by Youth Radio. To find out more about the 826LA writing programs at Los Angeles High Schools, visit 826la.org
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