photo: geerlingguy/ BY-NC-SA

This story was produced in collaboration with Blunt Radio.

By: William A. Nelligan

Katie Couric's "the perky one?" Steve Schmidt's "rotund?" I'm 17 years old and high school isn't much of a distant memory for me, but jeez, I don't remember much teenage drama that was as self-satisfying and egomaniacal as Going Rogue.

Sarah Palin, in her bestselling new book (anybody outside of the media or McCain campaign buying it?), delves into some pretty weighty topics over the course of 400 pages. These include meat and those who don't eat it, Alaskan weather patterns, "fish that sprout legs and crawl out of the sea," and "traditional values implants" (is that what Carrie Prejean got?).

The elephant in the room, in oh-so-many ways, is the 2008 presidential campaign. "Sarah" presents a wide cast of characters in this 400-page political treatise, each about as three-dimensional and nuanced as the 4th season cast of One Tree Hill.

Whether it's evil Steve Schmidt, with his big bald head and tendency to rely on facts and logic in discussion and debate, or elitist Nicole Wallace, with her tendency to try and do her job effectively by attempting to market Palin and her family to the American electorate, everyone is at fault for the failed campaign. Except its arguably most prominent campaigner.

A lot of politicians and politicos have exacted revenge in a lot of different ways. Justice Clarence Thomas supposedly keeps an enemies list of everyone who voted against his confirmation, as did Richard Nixon with many of his political battles; while Rahm Emanuel once sent a dead fish to a pollster that contributed to a losing campaign, as did, um, well, alright no one compares to Rahm Emanuel, but you get my point. They all did it privately.

You see, that is what's truly remarkable about this book. It's written in the same literary style and sensibility of the five-year-old who throws sand in his classmate's eyes and blames the kid standing on the other side of the playground. On nearly every topic of consequence imaginable, political or otherwise, Palin's straightening of the record almost always seems to consist of also fictionalizing and/or attacking it. Sometimes it's criticizing federal aid to states while allowing Alaska to receive more than nearly any other, while on other occasions it's simply forgetting which of our Presidents did what, and when. I'm vague here because it happens so many times through the book.

Regardless, it's emblematic of two simple facts. One: Sarah Palin is definitely running for president in 2012. Two: in the spirit of bipartisanship, Republicans and Democrats alike should work harder than ever to make sure she never gets there. As for my personal advice to the "candidate" herself, let me put it in a way only a 17-year-old can: grow up.