After I graduate from high school this December I have a choice: either move out of my parents home and live with friends or just stay put in my childhood bedroom. Being an independent person I'd like to move out, but because of money and some experiences I've had living with strangers it seems like it's going to take a lot longer than I'd hoped. This is a real setback and slightly frustrating.
Similar situations have been cropping up recently with greater frequency throughout the country. There are many difficulties associated with living with others. Many people have problems either with groceries, private spaces that no one touches, or chores. It almost sounds like you're married to the people you're living with for as long as you're living with them. It's hard when you're either a clean person living with a disorderly person or the other way around. For example my brother was planning on moving in with a college friend of his, until he realized how meticulous the guy was after talking to his other roommates. This made him think twice and he decided not to move in. Since then he is still living with us for economic reasons. Depending on who the alpha of the house is, it's sometimes a what-they-say-goes kind of situation.
Due to the recent financial crisis, the number of people moving in together or back home has increased significantly. A recent survey reported that more than 76% of homeowners and renters who had to move because of foreclosures are staying with family and friends. Jim Toedtman, editor of the AARP Bulletin, has said that "the recession is having an impact on people of all ages, and the effects are starting to be felt at home." Even President Barack Obama has had to address some of these issues. Even though his reasons for moving his mother-in-law into the White House weren't economic, they still probably had some adjustment issues. According to the New York Times, when families move in together, it is "rarely without tensions. There are old expectations and patterns of behavior, new partners and economic realities, and, typically, an endless series of conflicting individual needs." The upside to moving in and out is that you learn to live with people, to be aware of everyone's privacy, and to cope with things that are out of your control.
I thought at first that I'd live in a dorm when I went to college. I thought it would be fun to live with other people I don't know. But that was before I had a taste of living with strangers. When I moved to Texas, I had to live with one of my mom's friends -- a stranger to me. My family was in the middle of a move to Texas, so my parents sent me ahead so that I wouldn't have to change schools mid-semester. It was really hard to live in this situation. The woman I lived with was very particular about the noise we made, to the point that I couldn't move around too much upstairs because she could hear it. We had to do chores, which was fine since I was happy to help out, but I had to do them in a very particular way. She had a bunch of other relatives living with her who didn't follow the rules as much as I did, and whenever they did something wrong they would blame it on me. Once, the lady thought I stole some lotions from the bathroom, so she took it upon herself to go into my room while I was downstairs. My parents had given me an allowance of 40 dollars a week, so there was no reason for me to steal anything. Of course the other people knew I had money, primarily to buy food, so they would always hit me up for extra food. I would oblige them, but would then end up walking around hungry half the time.On the other hand, there were some benefits. For instance, I ate out less and ate less in general because it wasn't my mom's kitchen. But it was still kind of annoying because I didn't have the freedom to open the fridge and grab something to eat.
This experience taught me to cope with other people and difficult situations. I learned that you have to be strategic about when you put yourself first and when you cooperate with others. Usually it's better in these situations to compromise, but sometimes it can get out of hand. Now, I know better than to jump into things. For instance, I'm not tempted to leave my parents' house after high school to live with friends, like a lot of people I know. I know that I won't be able to make it by myself at this stage, especially in this economic climate. And even if you're living with friends, you won't know how they are on a day-to-day basis until you live with them. Another option is that as soon as my brother and I get on our feet, we could possibly rent an apartment together since we already know each other's habits. That would eliminate some of the leg work.
Sometimes living with strangers can work better than living with friends. Kendall, a New York native, moved into a one bedroom apartment in Los Angeles with five other girls from all over the globe: two were from South Korea, two from Mongolia, and one from Paris. In the beginning, it was a bit hard for her since her roommates were complete strangers to her. She didn't have much money, so she didn't have much of a choice. Even then, she was paying about $200 a month for a small corner of a room. Because she's living in such close quarters, she's had to learn to keep organized and be conscious that there are others in the house.
But, things have turned out OK. All the roommates distribute chores and food fairly: twice a month she cleans the kitchen and the bathroom, and others pitch in on their own. It's kind of like a reality show, except it's not fake--it's actually real! But it's not like a reality show because Kendall is living without the drama. None of her roommates are melodramatic people who just want to cause problems. They've all come together to live inexpensively while going to college in Los Angeles. And they're caring to boot. Every morning, before she heads to her internship, Kendall's roommates wave furiously saying, "Have a good day! Have a great day!" Perhaps her earlier experiences living with others helped her get along with her current roommates. One summer, she worked on a horse ranch in Colorado. She shared a shack with three other people, but said that "after doing manual labor, working with horses all day, it didn’t matter what the room looked like as long as you had a bed to sleep on." It seems that as long as your roommates are focused on larger goals, then the minutiae of daily living are less important and less of a cause of tension.
The list of issues that arise is just as long as the variety of shared living situations that exist. Many problems arise from living with either a roommate, friends, relatives, etc. In all situations, we have to learn to coexist with people and respect boundaries and others' privacy.
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