My mother told me that even though she misses me, she’s glad I’m away.  I moved to Los Angeles from Oakland seven months ago, and ever since I left, my home city has been experiencing one tragedy after the next. 

First, the economy crashed and while our nation was coming to terms with being in a recession, my thoughts were with those in Oakland who have always been struggling. 

Then on New Year’s Day, 22-year-old Oscar Grant III was shot in the back…lying face down by a BART Transit policeman, in front of a crowd of people. Bystander videos of the murder inspired rioting and protests against police brutality, unhealing a wound within the community that’s been oozing for decades.  Then, last weekend before the city could catch its breath, a wanted parolee, killed four Oakland Police officers.  Can Oakland win for losing, because winning isn’t its strong suit.

Growing up as a black man in that city, I always felt vulnerable to thugs like police killer Lovelle Mixon, and to police officers like former transit cop Johannes Mehserle.  Mixon preyed on Oakland residents before becoming a cop killer.  He’s been linked to carjacking, armed robbery, murder, and even the rape of a 10-year-old girl.  All that before he killed four officers sworn to serve and protect.  And Johannes Mehserle was one of those serve and protect guys who unprovoked, shot an unarmed black man.  For me the tension of being caught between such forces, always caused uneasiness in my stomach, even just walking down the street. 

Thugs act like it’s like the wild wild west, and make regular people vulnerable to random violence.  Thugs treat high murder rate statistics in their city like the Stanley Cup.  More often than not Gangstas victimize the very people who are likely to rally in their support when injustice is done against them.

That is I cannot sympathize with Lovelle Mixon and I certainly wouldn’t label him a “hero” or a martyr like some activist groups have.  But before all the details filtered out about his long history of thuggery, my first instinct was to empathize with him as someone trying to turn his life around.  He was pulled over for what police called a “routine traffic stop,” and I too have been pulled over for the same reason, except most people I know call it DWB, short for driving while black, which is still a major problem in Oakland.

Walking while black is also a chore task in Oakland.  I’ve even been pulled over on foot, for “fitting the description” of a suspect more times than I can count.  Once I was walking down the street after work when an officer greeted me this way:  “Are you on parole or probation or carrying any concealed weapons?”  He made me feel less than human, and definitely less than American.  These experiences make it hard for me to wet tissue with tears, moping and mourning four veteran officers of the Oakland Police Department.

What’s been happening in the city this year is particularly bad for young black men because they get pinched extra hard, when thugs and police are as tense as they are right now.  On one side are cops, suspicious of any young black man walking down the street.  And on the other side are thugs, paranoid that you might be a snitch or even an undercover cop, because they don’t recognize you from hanging out on the street corners. 

People are pitting  against each other based on whether they side with thugs or police.  Both sides feel the other party brought about their own fate.  While I won’t mourn for any of them, I certainly won’t condemn them, either.  That’s a task for a higher power. 

The most important victim in all this who has yet to be healed, is Oakland itself.  People trying to cope and get an idea of what happened here are writing Oakland off as some “hell hole.”  With things as bad as they are right now, it’s a good time for a divided Oakland to acknowledge the things that most people can agree on – like the fact that nearly everyone in the city is sick to death, of death.

Keep up with the latest from Youth Radio. Follow @youthradio on Twitter. Live your digital life on Facebook? Become a fan of YMI-Youth Media International and get updates delivered right to your page.