Damian and I climb a broken-stone staircase, the reggaton beats blasting inside get louder with each step. When we reach the door, I hand him a dollar and let him do the talking. The girl standing guard knows Damian and he smoothly tells her that I'm with him. When we enter, Damian tells me it definitely wouldn't be a good idea to break out my tape recorder or ask any questions. It would scare people.
The secret party this night is in a house with three rooms. It's hard to imagine someone living there, since all of the furniture has been cleared out, and the bathroom is just a toilet bowl and a broken door. The DJ is in the back room, and alternates between techno and reggaton hits. A couple of strobe and black lights are the only decorations.
People seem to have brought their own drinks, if they're drinking at all. In the middle room, people are dancing, but to my surprise, mostly in male-female pairings. Damian tells me knowingly that they are mostly gay men dancing with their straight female friends.
"How do you know those girls are straight?", I ask.
"I just know", Damian answers, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Two women kiss in the corner. They are the only same-sex couple I see doing anything but holding hands.
The room by the door is where most of the men hang out. They lean against the wall, more reserved than most of the lesbians at the party. Some bob their heads to the music looking bored. Some make eyes at Damian, and some stand shyly, as if waiting for something to happen.
I ask Damian if he's ever met anyone worth dating at these parties.
"Oh yes, I have, sometimes great people. I never go up to them, I'm too shy. Usually how it works is if you like someone, you send your friend over. He says 'My friend thinks you're cute', or they send a friend over to you to do the same."
The innocence of sending a friend over to a guy with a message reminds me of how things used to work in middle school. The idea of it is charming, especially compared to the straight club culture in Cuba, where men are usually very aggressive. I ask Damian why he thinks people are less forward at gay parties.
"I think a lot of it has to do with our own shyness, our own shame. People are more afraid of being rejected."
Damian seems content leaning against the wall until the Black Eyed Peas' I've Got A Feelin' starts pumping.
As we dance, he smiles widely, singing along to the lyrics.
'I've got a Feelin', that tonight's gonna be a good night/ That tonight's gonna be a good good night".
After we dance awhile, I ask if I can take a break and get some air outside. There are almost no windows, and we've been surrounded by body heat and smoke for a couple hours now. Damian tells me I can't go outside, that's one of the rules of the party. The organizers are worried that if police see people loitering outside, they'll catch on and bust the party, which could mean jail.
Damian says he's tried to argue with the party organizers before, challenging them on their policy. "I ask them, why can't I go outside for a few minutes? They tell me 'You know why'. And I say, 'No I don't know why'. And they say 'Because we're not allowed, because we're gay'. And most of the time now, I just say, 'Yea, I know'."
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