"According to my mother, having a boyfriend before 18 is too young."
By Consuelo Cisneros
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It’s common for many parents to urge their teenagers to wait until a certain age before getting into a serious relationship. But what’s to keep teens from having a secret boyfriend or girlfriend? Youth Radio’s seventeen year old Consuelo Cisneros has been doing exactly that. It’s just that the pressure of hiding her boyfriend is becoming too much.
I asked my mom what she would do if I told her I had a boyfriend
Que harias si...Que harias o que pensarias si yo te hubiera dicho que yo tengo un novio?
MOM (On Tape)
No me lo has dicho? (nervous giggle)
CONSUELO
(Nervous giggle)
CONSUELO
“You have not told me?” I couldn’t help but giggle. So many months in hiding. Secrets and lies. I feel like I can’t keep living like this. But I don’t know how to open up to my parents about my love life. See, I met a guy, Mario, two years ago. We talked over the phone, MySpace messaged each other, and wrote letters. We’ve been going out for a few months, and what bugs me is the most is that my parents don’t know about someone who has become a really important part of my life.
Mom talking about relationships in Spanish.
CONSUELO
According to my mother, having a boyfriend before 18 is too young. My mom had her first boyfriend when she was 19.
But today most teenagers are in relationships at a very young age. For us teenagers it’s normal, but some parents have a different perspective.
Mom (On Tape)
Muy Muy malo porque hoy en dia aye muchas enfermedades contiagiosas y ademas no estan preparados…
CONSUELO
I asked my mom about teen relationships and she went off about sexually transmitted diseases and how we aren’t mature enough to deal with all of the consequences of sexual activity. Geez, I meant it more as a just dating. We are using the same Spanish word – “relaciones” – but it means very different things to us – to my mom it means sex, to me it’s way more innocent than that.
I have to come up with excuses to hang out with Mario, but I really don’t like lying. I tell my mom that I stay for tutoring after school, when I’m really spending time with my boyfriend. When we walk around my neighborhood in Venice, I try to act like we are just friends because I fear that a relative or a family friend may see us and tell my parents.
Mario understands why I keep our relationship from my parents, but he is worried that things will only get worse the longer we keep it a secret.
MARIO (On Tape)
You’re supposed to be in school and lets say we’re hanging out at the mall and they see us and its like uhh who looks like a jerk? I do, you know… I also think that it would be even better if you parents know and they approve. Sometimes I feel like I’m doing something wrong, and its not really wrong at all.
CONSUELO
I wish my parents saw it that way. But I’m afraid if I tell them, that everything will change.
What if they tell me I can’t see Mario?
One of my friends, Stacy Delgado, also told her parents about her boyfriend. But in her case, it turned out to be a huge mistake.
Stacey (On Tape)
Well, my dad is very strict and he had a problem with it and I just didn’t want him to be worried about me all the time. He started getting very mad at me, and he started getting very violent but not to the point where he hit me just with words.
CONSUELO
Stacey told her parents that she and her boyfriend broke up. But … that’s not the truth.
I don’t think I could make up a lie like that. And Mario doesn’t think I should either.
MARIO (On Tape)
Why is it that you can’t just go ahead and tell your parents?
CONSUELO
I’m just scared cause I never really have any serious conversations with my mom or dad.
MARIO (On Tape)
Wouldn’t this be a good place to start?
CONSUELO (On Tape)
So how do you suggest I tell my parents? Do think its be better if you’re there with me?
MARIO (On Tape)
You can start with your mom. Your mom knows. She knows. Like even though you don’t want to admit it she knows, the first time she saw me at the party she knew right off the bat. You know she looked at me and I just smiled at her. You know you got nervous and I got pretty nervous too and she saw through that. I think if you use this story and you kind of tell her, and just finish telling her pretty much. And then from there, you know, get the info to your dad also. Even though it’s scary, don’t make him feel left out.
CONSUELO
Don’t get me wrong, I want my dad to know. I want my parents to be involved in all aspects of my life, not just my academics. But I find it hard to talk about my personal feelings since they never talk about their emotions with me
Mom, Dad I’ve been keeping a secret that I don’t want to keep anymore. I’m in love.
Back Announce: Consuelo Cisneros is a high school senior in Los Angeles. Her story was produced by Youth Radio.
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