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Losing My Mother
"Losing your mother to cancer when you’re only 15 turns your life upside
down."
By Amy K
Never did I realize that my life would be so messed up before I was legally
an adult. Waking up everyday I face the struggle of not wanting to live. Losing
your mother to cancer when you’re only 15 turns your life upside down and it
never returns to normal.
I knew things were going to be hard when I was 8 years old and my mother first
told me she was sick. For the next 7 years, I watched my mother die right in
front of my eyes, slowly, day by day. I always thought she would come out on
top, because that was what she did. She won the fight every time, until that
day - April 12th 2001.
I remember that morning as clear as it was yesterday, because I was the one
who found her. I walked into the back room and she was in her hospital bed.
My brother was just feet away from her playing video games, oblivious to the
fact that she was in a coma. I rushed my brother out the room, and I started
to try and wake her. "MOM! MOM!" I kept screaming but nothing…except for this
horrible 'snoring' like sound. I started to try and move her around...but nothing.
I called my grandmother and my uncle - he called 911 because I could barley
move. I called my dad at work. He rushed home. My sister was already on her
way also. Like a movie, my dad, my sister, the ambulance and police officers
showed up together.
In the hospital, my mom laid for the whole day, attached to a tube to help her
breath. A coma she had slipped into, never to wake up from again. My father
told us that "Mommy isn't going to wake up" and I knew it was done. She fought
all day long and I got a phone call around 8pm at a friend’s house. "She's gone"
is all he could say.
Watching them put my mother into the ground was like a haze, but the tears started
then and have yet to stop. Since then I have been to so many groups, counselors,
hospitals, specialists, I have lost count.
Suicide lingers in my life day in and day out, a struggle I want to overcome.
Whoever thought that losing your own mother could send you into such a suicidal
state? Well, now I know.
- 18-year-old Amy K lives in Malvern, Pennsylvania.
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