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Portrait of a Family
"When my mom calls, even if it’s in the middle of the night, we all will get out of bed and stop whatever we are doing, run to the phone, wait for our dad to get off..."
By Phil Herrick
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Youth Radio’s Phil Herrick brings us the story of three kids and their father in Vacaville, California, at a time when their mother Shannon is deployed overseas as a nurse in the Air Force. Both parents are on active duty in the military. The children - Lauren, Steven and Zachary - reflect on their roles in the family and on their worries about having both parents deployed at the same time. (December 23 on American Public Media's Weekend America)
PHIL
Life without mom is not easy, but nine-year-old Lauren, 12-year-old Steven, and 13-year-old Zachary, are trying their best to cope. They each have specific roles to play. Steven tells the jokes, Zachary calls himself the reader or professor of the family, and Lauren calls herself the cuckoo one, prancing around in a Middle Eastern robe her mother sent home as a gift. She’s learning to play the flute.
LAUREN (on tape)
When you're first getting it, you take the mouth piece, put your hand over the opening, and blow into the mouth hole...or you don't have to do it at all.
PHIL
Lauren is the baby of the family. She has big blue eyes and blond-brown hair cut to her chin. She grins when she says she looks the most like her mom. Her mom’s been gone now for over a month in the Middle East. She’s in the Air Force, a nurse on a base.
LAUREN (on tape)
It’s kinda sad, but at the same time, I’m proud.
Phil: What’s different now that she’s deployed?
Lauren: Well, we haven’t been talking to her as much, and it's hard to read her emails because you can't know what's serious and what's not. I really miss her [...] and she probably misses me doing her feet and walking on her back and stuff. But, I got over it.
PHIL
Lauren and her brothers are all very matter-of-fact about their mom being gone. Lauren is the only girl in the family, but she holds her own with the boys.
LAUREN (on tape)
My brothers and I are always fighting, even when my mom is here. So it’s not really different, but we’ve been fighting a lot more lately.
ZACHARY (on tape)
We like to tease her because she gets “madattitudes” a lot...attitudes, and that's just our little nickname because she's all mad, and then we go, “Poo poo baby Lauren...”
PHIL
That’s Lauren’s oldest brother Zachary. He has thick glasses and freckles, and a mind full of clever tricks to play on his little sister. Part of passing the time without mom is picking on each other. Zachary says they still talk to their mom everyday, but they just get a few minutes on the phone per kid.
ZACHARY (on tape)
When my mom calls, even if it’s in the middle of the night, we all will get out of bed or stop whatever we are doing and run to the phone, wait for our dad to get off, which seems like forever, and then jump to be the first person to get the phone. And then our dad will set the timer on the oven, or keep checking his watch.
We basically, we tell her how our day was at school or anything interesting that happened that day. Or like if something rough happened, or if we had a really good dinner, or watched a good movie that day, or got an A on a test. And then we let her talk a little bit, which normally she doesn’t get to a lot because we’re busy telling her stuff.
PHIL
When Zachary and his siblings don’t have time to get out all the details on the phone, they put the extras in letters to their mom, but they’ve only gotten a few messages in return.
STEVEN (on tape)
It says, “Dear Steven, just a short note to say that I love and miss you very much and am doing okay except for missing you all day. Congratulations on your scholarly skills...”
PHIL
Steven is the middle child. He looks older than he is, with deep, Christopher-Walken eyes and a serious face. His speech and movements betray his effortless cool.
STEVEN (on tape)
“Anything going on at school? I really enjoy hearing from you. Are you enjoying the skateboard? Do you still have a girlfriend? Same one or is it different? Love Mommy.”
PHIL
Steven seems to be the glue holding the family together, but even he admits the thought of having both parents deployed scares him. It’s something they have to consider everyday, especially as things escalate in Iraq.
Both his parents are on active duty. If they are both called at the same time, the kids will be sent to their grandparents’ house in Missouri. They like their grandparents, but nothing’s like having mom or dad around in a time like this.
STEVEN (on tape)
Because while our dad is still here, we still have somebody in the family who knows pretty much everything we are going through because he’s going through it too. But if he goes, then with grandparents and aunts and uncles, they only know the partial because they aren’t as bonded with them. They will be able to comfort us, but they won’t be able to empathize on how it feels.
Phil: How do you think it will feel?
Steven: Well, the thought of having both your parents gone is pretty scary...
PHIL
You can tell they think about their mother all the time. It was obvious once they got their hands on the mic to interview their dad. Instead of lapsing into sillynesses you might expect, the kids became very serious and asked their dad the hardest questions first.
ZACHARY (on tape)
How do you get up and go to work in the morning knowing that she’s across the ocean?
Dad: You’re cracking me up. You look so serious.
Zach: Please answer the question.
Dad: Well, I’m also in the Air Force and I have a job to do, and just because I’m sad and don’t like like getting out of bed doesn’t mean I can’t get out of bed, I have to go take care of patients in the hospital.
LAUREN (on tape)
What do you think my role in the family is?
Dad: I think your role in the family is to be the woman of the household.
STEVEN (on tape)
What do you do to keep your mind off of being deployed? What do you feel comforts you from your worries?
Dad: I stay busy hanging out with the kids and playing music and playing on the computer.
ZACHARY (on tape)
How do you feel knowing that you’re capable of being deployed?
Dad: I feel honored that I’m serving my country, but at the same time, I’m a little nervous that I’ll get deployed at the same time as my wife because I don’t want my three kids, you guys, to be without a parent.
Zach: How do you think your kids will handle this?
Dad: I think they’ll handle it like the young adults that they are.
PHIL
Watching Zachary, Steven and Lauren run around like maniacs, singing along as the stuffed dogs their mom sent them blast “Who Let the Dogs Out,” I can’t say they seem all that much like young adults. More like little kids.
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