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Grey Areas
"I’ve tried to comprehend the reason behind these strict boundaries, and whether we’re just subconsciously re-enacting the heterosexual couples we see in relationships. "
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By Quatiana Brown
Young people are faced with many choices in forming their identity. Within identification groups, there can be even further definition required. For Youth Radio's Quatiana Brown following the "norm" in her gay community can be limiting.
When it comes to identity politics in the gay community, there are strict gender roles you have to abide by in order to be accepted.
A lot of my friends say when two girls are in a relationship, either one of them HAS to be a stud, or they both need to be “fems.”
On top of that, there’s apparently an unwritten law that says if you’re a stud you can’t be bisexual – but that’s exactly what I am.
The first time I encountered this quote-unquote “stud rule,” I was talking to one of my best friends, who’s a lesbian. I was new to the whole “being out” thing. One day at school I told her I was attracted to both sexes, and she totally flipped on me! She said, “Quat, you have to make a choice…either boys or girls! There’s no in-between for you!”
I’ve tried to comprehend the reason behind these strict boundaries, and whether we’re just subconsciously re-enacting the heterosexual couples we see in relationships. Yeah, we all want to be accepted. But that doesn’t need to be achieved through discrimination and prejudice.
I am a lesbian stud with bisexual tendencies – no matter what clothes I wear or whom I date, this is me. And if I’m ever going to change, it’s going to be because I choose to.
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