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The Scarlet Mother
"My mother has always been a kind, loving person. As a child, I didn’t understand why she would go from manic to depressed in a matter of days or even hours."
By Jennifer Marshall
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Youth Radio’s Jennifer Marshall shares the story of her experience living with a bipolar mom. She says, "When she was diagnosed as bipolar, I finally had a scapegoat. I couldn’t hate my mom, but I could hate the disorder that consumed her."
My mother has always been a kind, loving person. As a child, I didn’t understand why she would go from manic to depressed in a matter of days or even hours.
When she was diagnosed as bipolar, I finally had a scapegoat. I couldn’t hate my mom, but I could hate the disorder that consumed her.
As she checked herself in and out of psych wards, my sister and I would bounce back and forth between foster homes and my mom’s apartment.
Even though I missed her, I dreaded seeing her again. When I would pick her up from the train station, I would cringe as she would walk up from the platform, but then I’d feel guilty for feeling that way about someone who’d given me life.
I’d remember the nights when I was the only one to comfort her during her worst bouts of depression. I don’t know who I would be now if I hadn’t grown up with a bipolar mother. And in the end, is that really something to be embarrassed about?
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