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A Father- Son Moment
"Although I lived under his roof and we ate out of the same refrigerator, we didn’t talk— about anything."
Listen
to this Commentary!
By Brandon McFarland
Before a couple of weeks ago, my relationship with my father was not ideal. I felt like something was missing. Although I lived under his roof and we ate out of the same refrigerator, we didn’t talk—about anything. I was sure I didn’t know him and he definitely didn’t know me.
I started reading this book that talked about the importance of a father’s role – and I felt I needed to talk to my dad and strengthen our bond as father and son. We both agree that we don’t really have one.
How do you view our relationship?
RONNIE (on tape)
I view it as pretty mellow, laid back. It’s not really like a “father and son” relationship— kind of like…
BRANDON
Buddy, buddy?
RONNIE (on tape)
Yeah.
BRANDON
So how do you think I view our relationship?
RONNIE (on tape)
You think I’m a tyrant but I’m really not.
BRANDON
Your'e right dad! Tyrant is only one side. Then there’s surly dad, loud dad and authoritarian dad. One time, he gave this long, long lecture about how I needed a job. I kept interjecting, telling him I already had one, even though it might not be the grueling 9-5 that he holds down. When I said I really wanted to do music, he brushed me off and said “you need a real job”. Maybe the reason he has such an obsessive work ethic is because he pretty much had to take care of himself.
RONNIE (on tape)
I didn’t particularly have a great relationship with my father, but it was cool. He was cool, I always thought he was cool. But it really wasn’t like a very close relationship. Our relationship became closer when he was sick and dying. I became his care- giver. Then our relationship became kind of cool.
BRANDON
I don’t want to wait till you got one foot in the grave to receive your knowledge and wisdom on what a man is supposed to be. Pac said “Only a man can teach a boy how to me a man.” And my dad says, he’s already taught me– by example.
RONNIE (on tape)
What I do is work, take care of your business, work, take care of your business, work, take care of your business...
BRANDON
That’s it, that’s it?!
RONNIE (on tape)
Naw. Being a man is not about having babies or whatever. It’s about responsibility; taking care of yourself, taking care of the people that you love.
BRANDON
No doubt - I mean everything I learned about work ethic, responsibility, and even masculinity I got from my dad. But the truth is that I wanted him to be all personal and sensitive sometimes, like my mom. She’s the one I confide in. She comforts me and is my biggest supporter. As much as I still would like my father to be the guy who spends the whole night in the studio lending his musical ear, he’s NOT. But he is the guy to tell me how much our catering business should charge for making those famous salmon croquettes.
When I have kids...what would you want me to do like you?
RONNIE (on tape)
I want you to be a father the way you choose to be one. However, I want you to communicate more to your kids than I communicated to you. Oh! One thing I’d like you to do is cook for ‘em, cook for ‘em.
BRANDON
What if I got a lady that cook?
RONNIE (on tape)
Cook for her!
BRANDON
That’s game.
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