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Runaway Girlfriend
"This same scenario repeats itself over and over again when I come across a guy that I’m attracted to. Runaway bride? Forget that, I’m the runaway girlfriend!"
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to this Commentary!
By Ayesha Walker
Ooh, he’s eye candy! And his personality is so cool! Oh my gosh, he noticed me! Did you say he thinks I’m attractive too? Nah, I don’t believe that! What?! He wants to be my boyfriend? Okay, the fun part’s over. What’s next?
This same scenario repeats itself over and over again when I come across a guy that I’m attracted to. Runaway bride? Forget that, I’m the runaway girlfriend!
This is the typical layout of all my relationships. It’s like I’m watching HBO and the movie preview comes on, and all the highlights from the film get me excited. Then, when the film finally plays, it’s BORING!
Ever since I can remember I’ve always had this problem. In preschool it was my swingset buddy Chad Walker. I remember him because we had the same last name. He was the cutest guy in school. The kids would sing, “Ayesha and Chad sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G.” I wouldn’t get mad…I found the love of my life! We meshed completely! Even though we were only four! Everything was going perfectly…up until the day he told me we had to get married and become boyfriend and girlfriend because we had the same last name. Suddenly, everything about him just got on my nerves, from the way he tied his shoes to the way he ate his graham crackers!
Unfortunately, I didn’t leave this attitude behind in preschool. As I got older, I unconsciously pushed myself away from all the guys I liked.
I used the excuse of being bored to cover up the fact that I was afraid of commitment. And a commitment scares me because I don’t want to get hurt. The first time, or should I say the last time, I cut a great guy loose all my friends got on my case. And I never would’ve even recognized the pattern if it weren’t for my best friend, who said, “Ayesha, he was perfect for you! Do you realize every time you like someone and then finally get that girlfriend label, you just break it off?”
That was the first time I realized there’s something about a commitment that makes me feel smothered. Still, I didn’t think I needed to change.
Until I met my current boyfriend. I’ve known him forever, and I’ve always liked him. We’d been kickin it for a while when, out of the blue, he asked me to be his girlfriend!
At that moment, I wasn’t even thinking about running away from the situation. In fact, I was flattered he asked. It wasn’t the same feeling I’ve had with previous almost-boyfriends. Maybe because it’s him, or...because it’s him. I’ve known him for so long, I trust him - and there’s no fear of getting my feelings hurt.
So I’ve managed to put my commitment phobia aside for the moment. I’ve been with my boyfriend for two months now, and so far, I haven’t felt that panic feeling that makes me want to run screaming out of the room. I guess that’s a good thing.
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