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Her Second Divorce
"If I fail at long-term romance, it won’t be by my parents’ example. They may not be married, but they know how to love."
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By Rachel Krantz
Recently my mom told me she and my stepdad Pedro were breaking up. Even though he and my mom were never officially married, Pedro has been in my life since I was four. And I wonder now that they’re over, am I doomed to be a monogamy cynic for life?
After three major long term relationships, my mom seems to be. It’s her new philosophy that most people are not meant to be with one partner all their lives. According to her, since women go through so many transformations between puberty and menopause, we may need more than one major adult relationship.
While the feminist in me is proud of my mom for never settling, I am, whether I like it or not, emotionally affected by this breakup. Pedro has always been in my life, always there, always a constant.
The anger and extreme sadness I faced when I realized this would change intensified when I told people my mom and stepdad were breaking up. Half the country gets divorced, but how many fail twice? That’s the stigma I felt when my friends responded with the awkward death-in-the-family condolence line “I’m sorry” after I told them I felt like I was losing Pedro.
And it’s not like our teenage relationships are so easy to negotiate either. With the divorce rate over 50%, many people my age have turned to the media for images of monogamy and marriage. But those images have changed a lot since the days of Leave It To Beaver. We’re taking our cues from shows like MTV’s The Real World. On that show, cast members make ‘deals’ with their significant others that cheating is okay as long as words like love are never used.
As I grow up, I find myself wondering if I’ll become a conservative reactionary to the looser relationships I see around me. Or maybe, I’ll learn to adopt my mom’s progressive ideals and value the quality of my relationships over their quantity and time.
What I do know is this - if I fail at long-term romance, it won’t be by parents’ example. They may not be married, but they know how to love. And I would say for me, that’s a pretty good start.
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