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Lying

"I’m pretty sure my parents know I lie."

Listen to this Commentary!

By AJ Herrmann, Sophie Simon Ortiz, Sophie Linnett, Valerie Pundara, Denise Chu, Jesse Hartman, Aaron Hayes, Melanie Falls, Nora Harrington, Josh Clemmons, and the Youth Radio Bridge class

AJ: It’s Friday night, some friends are having a party and I know there’ll be a keg.

I do tell my parents I’m going to a friend’s house. I just don’t tell them that one small detail. I don’t like lying to my parents. But if I shared every little detail about what goes on outside of their jurisdiction, I’d never leave the house.

I’m pretty sure my parents know I lie — at least some of the time. I’m not trying to outsmart them. They just need to know they don’t have complete control anymore. And you know what? I found a professor who agrees with me.

Dr. Cowan: Kids need to push the boundaries with parents because parents are really reluctant to change from being parents of little kids to being parents of grownups.

AJ: Phil Cowan teaches psych at UC Berkeley. He says that our lies are part of a normal, healthy parent-teen relationship.

Dr. Cowan: Kids reasoning patterns change from being kind of concrete and very particular, to being able to reason like adults do… so they have a new kind of brainpower…

AJ: When I was little, my parents told me what was right and wrong… now I draw that line myself, and it’s not always easy. I know it’s hard for parents too. But don’t look to teenagers to make that process any smoother — we’ll jump at any chance for freedom we can get.

Sophie: Picture this — it’s four a.m. and you are just sneaking into your bedroom when the light turns on. It’s your parents and you were supposed to be home at 12. Some teens can talk to their parents about anything, while others just can’t wait to get out of the house.

It’s kind of weird to have such a direct conversation with my mom about lying. Who knows what’ll happen the next time something comes up, and I can’t be completely honest. Sorry mom, I can’t make any promises.