Young Mothers

"Imagine just hitting the legal age of independence from curfew and nagging parents, doing whatever you want, and all of the sudden you have a baby."

By Cassandra Gonzalez

Listen to this Commentary!

Isolation is the biggest shock for most new moms in the US. For teen moms, the situation can be even more intense…dealing with all the negative stereotypes and expectations…but maybe their youth is something we can all learn from. As Youth Radio’s Cassandra Gonzalez tells us, young moms know the value of having a social life.

A couple of years ago, a whole bunch of my friends started having babies. Most of us are single, young moms, and many of us were teenagers when our babies were born. The few friends who have their babies’ dads around are in unhealthy relationships, but most of our baby’s dad’s aren’t around anymore. For instance, my friend Sheila. Sheila got pregnant with her son when she was 16.

SHEILA (on tape)
I am all alone in this. It’s very tiring. Nobody wants to help me with anything, I have to find an apartment, get back into school, and everything is a struggle. All the stress just gets to me sometimes.

CASSANDRA
Like a lot of our mom friends, Sheila and I were straight party animals before we got pregnant. But imagine just hitting the legal age of independence from curfew and nagging parents, doing whatever you want, and all of the sudden you have a baby.

Of course I love my daughter Savannah, but some of my mom friends and I have decided we just have to keep going out just to keep from going crazy. We go to clubs, to bars, out with guys. But most of the time, it almost requires too much energy. It’s either no baby sitter, no time, or no money.

Michelle is a good example...

MICHELLE (on tape)
Michelle: This weekend?
Cassandra: Yeah.
Michelle: What are we doing?
Cassandra: I wanna go to the Art Laboe concert.
Michelle: Oh, no.
Cassandra: Why?
Michelle: Cuz I don’t want to pay money for the ticket.
Cassandra: It’s only $25.00.
Michelle: You know what I can do with $25.00?
Cassandra: What?
Michelle: Buy my daughter some diapers!

CASSANDRA
I just turned twenty-one. I want to go out. Like one time I was leaving to go out with my friends, and my grandma agreed to watch my daughter, so as I was leaving she brings my screaming daughter to the door and yells out to the whole neighborhood: “What kind of mother are you!” I put my car back in the driveway and stayed home.

GRANDMA (on tape)
My complaint with Cassandra is that she goes out every night and comes up at 4 o’clock in the morning. I have to stay with Savannah all day and all night and take care of Savannah, and I am a 71-year-old lady.

CASSANDRA
But the truth is, Grandma, I don’t go out every night, how could I? I have two jobs and I go to school.

GRANDMA (on tape)
Grandma: I love to see Cassandra coming from work or from school and going to bed with her daughter and let her grandmother have peace at night.
Cassandra: And what am I supposed to stay? Home for the rest of my life and collect welfare or what?
Grandma: No, I don’t mean you cannot go out with your friends once in a while, but not every night.

CASSANDRA
Get over it. Even my psychotherapist says, ”You have to make time for yourself and go out or you might end up resenting your life and your child,” and it might lead to depression, like what Sheila’s been going through.

SHEILA
Before, when I used to have fights with my mom I’d be so frustrated I would just leave into the streets and go with the homies or something, but I can’t do that now. And I feel very very frustrated. Sometimes I just break down and cry cause I feel alone.

CASSANDRA
I have more options, because despite my grandma’s objections, I still get to go out. But most of my friends don’t have that luxury. If they did, it wouldn’t be so complicated for us to enjoy our youth together once in a while, and still be good mothers.