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Change is Good
"I used to think change was bad, but not anymore."
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By Alan Irie Reyes
I’ve experienced a lot of instability in my fairly short life. I used to think change was bad, but not anymore. I’ve come to realize that change can be a good thing.
My brother and I started our life in south central L.A. My mom couldn’t care for us because of a drug habit. We were placed in foster care by the county. My dad was in New York with his new wife and her kids. My brother and I stayed at the same foster home for five years. Most kids get bounced around from home to home, and most brothers get separated.
Our foster parents treated us with genuine love. When they decided they wanted to adopt my brother and me, my dad stepped in and took custody of us. We got put on a plane from L.A. to New York to move in with my dad. We’d never met him before.
In the beginning living with him was all good, but the special treatment eventually wore-out. It was used-up as fast as the 30 dollars I’d saved up for my trip…and everything changed. The relationship we had with my dad wasn’t good. He would make us do hard construction work as teenagers. “To pull our load around the house,” as he used to say. My dad’s wife treated us like the step-children we were. It got so unbearable that my brother ran away and found his way back to Los Angeles. He left me behind.
I felt lonely and frustrated. I started to sneak out of the house, drinking, smoking weed and having sex. I’ll never forget the day I told my dad that my girlfriend was pregnant. He kicked me out immediately, right there in front of her and her dad. I was only 16 out on my own and my girlfriend was thirteen at the time. We moved to a one-bedroom apartment in the housing projects of Hoboken New Jersey.
I did good for about a year working two jobs and going to high school, but eventually I got burned out. I turned to the streets, selling drugs and hanging out. In 1998, I started growing and learning how to have a relationship with my mom. But even though things were going better with my family, I went back to selling drugs and eventually I got robbed by some guys. They pistol whipped me and put a gun to my son’s head. I never sold drugs again.
Now I live in the heart of South Central L.A. I can hear bullets whizzing over
my head from my front steps. But I’ve changed my view on life. I use the negative
things in my hood to fuel my determination to make it out of an environment
that could one day lead to my demise. Change has definitely been a good thing.
- Alan Irie Reyes is a street poet from Dreamyard L.A. He comes to us from Youth Radio L.A.
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