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Gang Banging and Babies
"I don't live with my baby because I'm on probation."
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By Luis Castillo
I'm seventeen, and I live in West L.A. At the age of twelve, I was already getting into trouble. I started smoking weed, and other stuff. When I was 15, I joined a gang. The same year, my beautiful baby girl was born. Her name is Heather. She was born on December 31 of 2001.
I don't live with my baby because I'm on probation for some dumb stuff I did in the past. Her mom’s mom has custody because we’re both under eighteen, and because I’m still on probation. But even though I don't have custody, I spend most of my time with my daughter. Sometimes I'm afraid that she might end up in the same situation I used to be in.
When I was 16, I went to juvenile detention for assault and battery. When I got to jail, I had to stop gang-banging, just like that- I couldn’t do it step by step. But now that I’m out of juvenile detention, I still dress like a gang-banger. Banging is like an addiction, and I still get the urge to do it sometimes. My head is bald, I always wear big pants that are ironed with a crease, and my white t-shirts always have ten creases in the old G style. People stop me because of the way I dress and the way I look. They ask me where I'm from and I used to tell them, "West Side Drifters Gang.” Since my little girl was born, I don't say that anymore.
When I got out of jail, the court sent me to a drug recovery home and a rehab center. I think one of the reasons that I ended up in the streets, was because I didn’t have a father. My mom tried to provide the best for me at home, but I chose the streets. My homies were like my second family.
Now that I'm back in my mom's custody, I feel that I have changed, but I see that the neighborhood hasn't. Where I grew up, a lot of people get shot. In the environment I'm in, there are always drugs and people that gang-bang. Sometimes I'm afraid I might not be there for my daughter because I might end up gang-banging or back in jail.
I don't want to lose her because of drugs or gangs. I know now that I have to change my life if I want to get custody of my baby. If I stay on the same track I was on, the judge won’t let me take care of her. Even though I’m only 17, my baby gives me a sense of responsibility. If she’s going to survive in our neighborhood, I know I’m going to have to protect her.
I don’t know how I'm going to do it yet, but I think getting a job is one way to start.
- Luis Castillo comes to us from Youth Radio LA.
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