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Part Black or Not
"I wish I had an obvious physical connection to the past so I wouldn’t constantly have to justify my curly hair, skin tone, and even my body shape."
By Sophia Chakos-Leiby
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For most of her life, people have assumed Youth Radio’s Sophia Chekos-Leiby is something she’s not. Lately, she’s been thinking about what – if anything – she should do in order to balance her appearance with her identity.
Since I was a little girl, people have often questioned whether or not I’m part black. But really, I’m white – my family is British, German and Greek.
I know that for many people of color, the way you look ups your chances of being a target for hate crimes and racial profiling. Still, sometimes I wish I had an obvious physical connection to the past so I wouldn’t constantly have to justify my curly hair, skin tone, and even my body shape.
I’m a dancer, and perform with a primarily Black company. Once, I was talking with another dancer who’s white … but she assumed I wasn’t, and complained that she couldn’t dance with our company because the director only works with women of color. I wondered if I should’ve flipped the script and told her that I’m white too.
I still don’t fully understand why I didn’t tell her. I remember feeling distant from this woman who was standing only a foot away from me, unsure if I should start such a difficult conversation in our five-minute break.
So what’s the right thing for me to do? Maybe I should try to be as white as possible to avoid inadvertently misleading people into thinking I’m someone I’m not. But what would that entail? Straightening my hair? Using face makeup that’s a shade too light? Not wearing the shell earrings I have on right now?
In an ideal world, I wouldn’t have to think about the politics of how others perceive me – but in the current reality, I do. Even so, I’m going to keep expressing myself in ways that speak to my soul. That’s why I feel at home dancing in an all Black company. And that’s why I feel at home when I’m walking down the street, and someone – anyone – nods, looks me in the eye, and says simply, “Hello, Sister.”
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