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Gender Roles/Identity:Studs
"When it comes to identity politics in the gay community, there are strict gender roles you have to abide by in order to be accepted, there are no gray areas."
By Quatiana Brown
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For high school teenagers, walking the line between finding your own voice and being accepted by your peers is never easy. But as Youth Radio’s Quatiana Brown is discovering, when it comes to sexuality, her friends are taking their pressures and judgments to a whole different level.
When it comes to identity politics in the gay community, there are strict gender roles you have to abide by in order to be accepted. There are no gray areas.
My friend says when two girls are in a relationship, either ONE of them HAS to be a stud, or they both need to be “fems.” Stud is another word for “butch.” A lot of people use these terms to describe a girl who acts like a dude…or takes on the masculine role in a lesbian relationship. But if BOTH women are studs, well, that isn’t acceptable.
On top of that, there’s apparently an unwritten law that says if you’re a stud you can’t be bisexual – but that’s exactly what I am. And because I’m a bisexual stud, I get talked about for being different.
The first time I encountered this “stud rule,” I was talking to one of my best friends, who’s a lesbian. I was new to the whole “being out” thing. One day at school I told her I was attracted to both sexes, and she totally flipped on me! She said, “Quat, you have to make a choice…either boys or girls! There’s no in-between for you!”
Before this incident she used to tell me I should just be a fem if I’m going to be bisexual. I guess it’s more acceptable for “fems” to be bisexual than it is for studs.
I’ve tried to comprehend the reason behind these strict boundaries, and whether we’re just subconsciously re-enacting the heterosexual couples we see in relationships. When the gay community forbids two studs to be together, maybe it’s just an attempt to fit in with mainstream society.
I mean, we ALL want to be accepted. I am a lesbian stud with bisexual tendencies – no matter what clothes I wear or whom I date, this is who I am. And if I’m ever going to change, it’s going to be because I choose to, not because some unspoken law in the gay community forbids me to. After all, just because I’m a “stud” doesn’t mean I have to be lesbian.
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