|
Abstinence
"Nowadays, you see sex before marriage everywhere."
Listen
to this Commentary!
By Sanovia Jackson
In his State of the Union address last week, President Bush called for more
funds for the nation’s schools to teach abstinence. One federal program that
already provides such funds requires that recipients teach, among other things,
that “abstinence from sexual activity outside marriage is the expected standard
for all school-age children.” A new poll by NPR, the Kaiser Family Foundation,
and Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government asked adults whether they agree with
that statement, and more than six out of ten said they do. What’s more, many
of those adults said that when answering the question, they were thinking about
kids abstaining from a lot more than sexual intercourse. Large percentages said
they included abstaining from intimate touching and passionate kissing, too.
We had a suspicion that teenagers might not define abstinence the same way,
so we asked Sanovia Jackson, a 17-year-old reporter for Youth Radio, what SHE
thought. She asked some girlfriends and sent us this report.
SANOVIA
My mom and I talk about sex all the time. So you’d think she, of all people,
would know how I define abstinence.
MOM (on tape)
How would YOU define abstinence? (Laughter) I don’t know. What DO you think?
SANOVIA
Mom, answer it, how do you think? Mama, just say it.
MOM
I don’t know!
SANOVIA
Well here’s the deal. I believe you can do everything leading up to sexual intercourse,
including oral sex, and still be abstinent. Most of my girlfriends in high school
seem to look at abstinence the same way I do. But not everybody. Ask 17-year-old
Krystle Martin how far you can go, and still be abstinent…
KRYSTLE (on tape)
Definitely kissing. Because that’s still pretty innocent. And probably to touch
one another, but that probably would be where it stops.
SANOVIA
A lot of adults disagree. Can you believe that 63% of them say if you touch
each other, you’re NOT abstinent. And talk about old school—40% say passionate
kissing is off limits, too. Even Krystle’s definition isn’t uptight enough for
her mom.
KRYSTLE (on tape)
Well … she’s not really like hip to a lot of things, or updated on a lot of
things. Maybe she would think being abstinent is like being completely separate
from a boy no contact whatsoever.
SANOVIA
This question of how far is too far follows girls into college. 21-year-old
Katherine Wilkinson says her definition of abstinence includes some contact,
but she’s holding out from going all the way -- even with all the freedom of
living away from home.
KATHERINE (on tape)
I feel like I have so much to think about and worry about in my life. I don’t
want to have to think about whether or not I’m pregnant between school and sports
etc…Sex is one of the biggest gifts that you can give of yourself.
SANOVIA
Katherine says she’s saving that gift for now, but that doesn’t mean she’ll
wait till she’s married to go all the way. About half of adults think girls
SHOULD wait that long. The thing is, maybe when our moms were kids, marriage
was the ultimate goal, but nowadays, you see sex before marriage everywhere.
And Katherine says if parents aren’t careful, their good intentions might only
make things worse.
KATHERINE (on tape)
I think what turns kids off of abstinence is that they see grown ups making
a moral decision for them.
SANOVIA
And there’s pressure from all sides. Even our PEERS are trying to change our
morals, in the opposite direction. The best solution is keeping your business
to yourself. But Krystle knows the questions:
KRYSTLE (on tape)
Why aren’t you doing it? What’s wrong with you?
SANOVIA
Can you be popular and also abstinent at your school?
KRYSTLE
I think it is possible for a person to be popular and still abstinent at my
school.
SANOVIA
But it’s tricky. Those popular kids who say they’re abstinent? Well, their parents
might disagree. I can’t tell you how many teens I know who pride themselves
on being abstinent, but trust me, they’re doing EVERYTHING but. So before anybody
tries to change the way we are, they’d better be sure when talking about abstinence,
we all mean the same thing.
|
|
