Hook-Ups Don't Work For Me

cfoster — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 18:52:38 -0600

This commentary originally aired on WAMU, American University Radio in Washington, D.C.

By Joel Carela

I've always been put off by TV shows and movies that glorify casual sex. Like the "American Pie" movies, whose main characters are always in search of a quick and easy hook-up. They make the guys who can separate sex and emotions seem normal and emasculate the ones who develop feelings beyond the mattress.

As an emotional person, I never liked that message -- but I guess somehow it seeped into my brain.

Last fall, I started college and moved into a dorm with more than 100 other hormonal teenagers. Suddenly, we had easy access to all sorts of things that were out of reach back home: alcohol, drugs and each other.

It wasn't long before I started to connect really well with a guy in my international politics class, who also happened to live across the hall. We shared an affinity for baroque-era choral music and an interest in the British monarchy.

We hung out all the time -- at lunch, at dinner and at night in his room. It took only two weeks for our relationship to turn physical.

We had the kind of undefined, friends-having-fun relationship for which college seems to be a breeding ground, the kind of relationship I never imagined myself having. Once, in his room, he said to me, "This is nothing, right?" and I just said, "Of course, yeah." It seemed easier than talking about the feelings I was starting to develop for him.

After each hook-up, my brain kept telling me to stop -- it wasn't a good idea to be in a casual relationship when I wanted more. But then we'd hang out again. I justified it to myself, thinking, "Here I am, the first few weeks of school, and I'm already getting busy. It's every teenage boy’s dream, right?"

I could only pretend for so long. One evening on my way to dinner, I picked up a pamphlet on loneliness from the counseling center. Before I finished reading the first page, I started to tear up. And when I ran into some friends who asked me what was wrong, I broke down and cried.

After that, I went to counseling.

On my college campus, casual hook-ups aren't just socially acceptable, they're almost the norm. Being sexually liberated means being able to separate sex and feelings. But that "American Pie" mindset doesn't work for me, and to pretend otherwise is definitely not liberating.

I don't regret what happened. Maybe it was an important rite of passage. But next time, I'll be honest about how I really feel.

These commentaries by D.C. area teens are part of a collaboration between WAMU's Youth Voices program, Youth Radio and the Latin American Youth Center.

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LGBT Pride Week

noah — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 15:45:46 -0500

In honor of the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, which are being commemorated this coming Sunday, Youth Radio is featuring a week of original reporting on the LGBT community, gay rights, and other issues of import to queer youth.

The stories range from the political to the very personal.

Monday: State of the Unions- a review of the state of Gay Marriage rights in California and the rest of the United States.

Tuesday: Profiles in Polyamory Part I- a new generation of gay youth emerges, and challeneges the notion of "normal".

Wednesday: Don't Ask Don't Tell- an extremely moving exclusive interview with Joseph Christopher Rocha, a 23 year old gay man who served in the Middle East and left the military because of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. An investigation into his brigade’s leadership was mysteriously dropped after reaching the highest military court.

An excerpt from his interview gives you an idea of the power of his story:

“Having my military leadership have me on my knees simulating oral sex with other men on video tape-- telling me I needed to be more believable, act more queer and make the sounds and gestures more realistic-- I can’t describe what that was like. I went home at the end of 14 to16 hour days and I didn’t know where I was, how it had happened, how I had ended up at that point in my life.”

Thursday: the second part of Profiles in Polyamory.

Monday June 29th: an interview with Anthony Woods the gay, African-American Iraq veteran who is running for Congress.

Bonus from last week: 'The Gays of Our Lives" by Anthony Waters:

In 6th grade, there was only one kid as bad off as I was—my friend Bobby. We were on the playground when he said, “I have something to tell you. Please don’t stop being my friend.” He told me he was gay. Me too, Bobby, me too.

Youth Radio - Topic: Gay Teens

Hook-Ups Don't Work For Me

LGBT Pride Week